I ran away

Either I’m on the dumbest vacation ever, or my own subject in some awfully speculative experiment.

Some time ago, I booked myself a flight to Mexico City. (It’s a long story, and not relevant here.) More recently (driven by the confusion and such I mentioned in my last post), panic (or pragmatism?) took hold: now’s not a good time to go on vacation. I spent about thirty minutes with the decision that I’d simply not show for my flight, but then figured that I may as well go, treating it as an “off-site.” (I just today learned that off-site can be a noun. Hooray.) I’ve spent too many days in hotel rooms in faraway places before; the isolation felt miserable, but with the right combination of attitude and discipline, maybe I could get back on top of things, right?

Months ago, LP showed me a chart in Maira Kalman’s And the Pursuit of Happiness, one that Benjamin Franklin made outlining a daily schedule. I was taken by its clarity and rationality, and also by its style — especially the use of semi-colons and braces (what are those called?), and by the use of language, and by the creator’s obvious preoccupation with reflection, personal responsibility, and Doing Good.

I too am preoccupied with these things! And I would like to have an attractive schedule like this to help me convince myself and others that I may be making some progress towards any of them!

I will hold back from sharing here the chart I made this morning. It’s similar, only it was created using Numbers, from the Apple iWork suite. I’ve no clue how to add those amazing braces. ‘Merge cells’ was the next best thing. I didn’t make a ‘questions’ column; I was worried it’d turn into too large of a project. This thing can be iterative anyway, right?

And yet, and yet. Everything was on track until about 4pm, and then somehow it fell apart. By “somehow,” I mean “frustration focusing on the difficult email I was trying to write, and then almost three hours spent playing a stupid mobile game.” I put it down only after continuing to play for thirty minutes while awkwardly tethered to the wall, since the phone’s battery had run down.

So what now, Ben? Do we cut our losses and rejoin the chart at whatever time we emerge from our self-indulgence? Or do we try to make up for lost productivity, by skimping on sleep and fast-tracking “putting things in their places” or “examination of the day”?

Not grasping the importance of this choice at the time, I decided to hold off on the difficult email and instead try to make some progress through the “to check out” items in my inbox. The first one led me to this TED video, Jason Fried of 37signals on why we don’t get much done at work:

I had a conventional office job for about 6 months, 9 years ago. I can’t personally relate to Fried’s (common) hatred of meetings; most of the meetings I have are great. (An observation: Almost never am I being paid to attend. This may be the unfortunate key to enjoyable meetings.) I also get lost when he suggests that the distraction of ‘the social media’ is a lesser-order distraction, because it’s voluntary.

Lost, maybe, because as I’m now in this shoebox hotel room, which is surprisingly successful at blocking out the noise and chaos of this city (the largest, population-wise, I’ve ever set foot in), I’m super-twitchy. Is this just an unavoidable blip on the way to productivity and (then) relaxation?

Or, should I turn off the social media tap? It’s difficult to argue that doing so would make me less productive.

But it might introduce some other problem. For years I’ve been referring to an article I read in (dear, departed) Shift magazine, on the subject of people’s productivity at work. The jist (as I remember it; this was 8-10 years ago) was that now that many people have Internet access on their work computers (8-10 years ago, remember?), they have to employ additional discipline to not “surf” or whatever. The article referred to an experiment involving cookies and frustrating tasks, and how people’s success at dealing with frustrating tasks appeared to be affected by whether or not they had been asked to not eat the cookies that were in front of them. I found a more recent article (not on the subject of work) that mentioned similar research. In it, Dr. Timothy Pychyl of Carlton University is quoted, suggesting that it’s possible for us to exhaust our self-regulatory strength: “One practical example, he noted, is that after a stressful day at work, studies show, people are less likely to exercise and more likely to watch television.”

This post has spun out of control. The end.

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Changewashing

Changewashing in action? It's also a lot of work to find out.

I’m maybe better than average at coming up with project ideas, but definitely poor at coming up with names for them. (Doubtless, this is one of the reasons most of my work has been collaborative.) But over lunch with Mark Kuznicki a couple of weeks ago I had a rare brainwave: I came up with a term! (A portmanteau, as Wikipedia likes to say.) Changewashing. Organizations recognize that there’s value in being perceived as innovative. But innovating is, um, hard. Harder, certainly, than marketing. Hence, changewashing.

Am I one of those people who tries to claim a word through a blog post, just in case someone else publishes something using it before I finish my thesis? Yes.

[Ok, fine, I admit that I did find one prior use of the term through Google. But it was in a comment forum.]

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Grad school

I’ve long strongly discouraged my friends when they’ve said “I think I’m going to go back to school.” Grad school seemed primarily a place to go to incur debt and delay making real decisions about what to do with your life.

I started grad school a year and a half ago, and (with eight months remaining) I am living the cliché. I am in a state of constant confusion and anxiety. I avoid situations in which I might have to talk about “what I’m up to these days,” and when I gather the confidence to try to describe to someone what I’m thinking of doing for my thesis, out comes a hideous garbled mess. I am incurring debt, and worried that I won’t have time to read the books that I’m (still) buying.

But I’m having a good week. Good, in that it feels like the fog of confusion is lifting. Yesterday I transcribed (into Evernote) the notes I took (by hand) at the Dan Saffer talk at OCAD, the Conversations in Design event at the IDS, and the Strata conference.  (I’ve yet to do the same for the EWB conference.) It was great to go back over the notes; all three of those events were great. (I had never before considered that a benefit to handwriting notes is that I’m forced to look over them again in order to be able to discard the physical notes.)

I had Chinese food and drinks with Michael Lenczner, the first person who responded to my “so, I went to this conference called Strata,” with anything but a blank stare. Au contraire, his eyes lit up and he then spent a while telling me about how that was exactly the right conference for me to go to. It was kind of a turning point.

Today I went to the MRI/ONE event at MaRS, chatted briefly with the Minister, and was glad I stayed for the whole announcement, the second part of which was about the establishment of “a core strategic resource centre to assemble, and make accessible, data that have not previously been brought together to support innovation and public policy development.” [link] Cool.

Then I had lunch with Eli Malinsky. (At The House on Parliament, which moved!?) I’ve known Eli for a while, but not very well; he was very open and supportive, and gave me lots to (transcribe from my handwritten notes and then) think about.

Then I fixed the wifi at St. Lawrence Market (argh) and had a meeting with Judith Doyle, the faculty advisor for two of my research projects. It was quick but went really well. Yay.

So, I’m feeling a bit better, for now.

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First post

I’m starting my first personal blog with the hope that I’ll be inspired/guilted to write more, which will presumably mean resolving some of the loose ends that have habitually been hanging off most of my ideas lately.

A year and a half ago I basically walked away from a comparatively successful run of techie-arty projects and ventures, to go back to school and then try something (something?!) new. In my final two semesters, it’s time for me to push harder to figure out what that something is.

I have what could easily be called an ideal situation at the moment. In place of the regular coursework, I’m taking two independent studies — meaning that I don’t need to go to class on Fridays; only meet with my advisors periodically. And I’m very lucky to have near-full-time pay for my role as project lead on three OCAD/industry research partnerships.

My two independent studies wind down in April; from then until September I’ll be working on my “major project” (hereinafter called my thesis). No, I do not yet know what it will be about. Ok, ok, fine: yes, it’s a unified theory of Everything.

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